Ridgefield slammed with $1.8 billion fine "just because"

Press Release 5/27/08

The GMWC governing body, after a 12-hour, closed-door meeting with Scudaria DeLoyer, fined Ridgefield Race Engineering $1.8 billion on Tuesday.

During the morning press conference with the GMWC, press liaison Doug Baggett stated:  "We at the GMWC are saddened and shocked that a team such as Ridgefield would have the audacity to be subject to a fine of this magnitude." When asked by reporters what the fine was for, the GMWC answered "I don't think it's important for anyone to ever know the true reasoning behind fines this large, especially not us." When asked to elaborate, Mr. Thorne suddenly broke into song and vanished in a spectacular flash of light and smoke.

Rumors that former Ridgefield driver-turned-SDL moonlighter Todd Thorne might have had a hand in the decision are still under investigation. Calls to Mr. Thorne's spokesperson were not immediately returned, though sources close to Mr. Thorne say that he recently took delivery of a solid-gold zeppelin, care of SDL. An associate of Mr. Thorne, speaking on the condition of anonymity stated "I did see a greeting card taped to the airship which read: 'Good to have you aboard, together we shall crush Ridgefield'".

"I'm still in shock" said team principal Matt Steele, "I just woke up one morning and opened my front door to find a jack-o'lantern with a knife stuck through the side of it and a note on official GMWC letterhead attached to it which read: 'You owe us $1.8b, payable by noon tomorrow. regards, GMWC'". Matt continued, "It's nearly the most unprofessional league communique I've received in all my years in motor sports. I did have a few rule change notifications spray-painted on my car when I was in the IRL, but I think that's different -- this one was just plain creepy".