Ferrari calls it quits!

In a shocking turn of events, the most infamous team in F1 has run up the white flag.  Scuderia Ferrari has thrown in the towel and called it quits.

The announcement was made during the regularly scheduled Ferrari Press Breakfast at their headquarters in Maranello, Italy.  The event is a regular gathering of press personnel and Ferrari representatives, and traditionally serves as the forum in which Ferrari disseminates the propaganda that the press is to issue in coming weeks regarding Ferrari and its competitors.

It was clear that something was afoot, however, when none of the normal Ferrari faces were in attendance and instead Jean Todt entered the room.  The former Team Principal was rumored to have finally severed all ties with Ferrari in March, after having spent a brief tenure (2008) as Ferrari CEO.

Todt, barely visible above the lip of the podium, spent only a few brief minutes addressing those in attendance.  He cited the F1's reckless pursuit of fairness as the primary reason for Ferrari's withdrawal from the series, saying:

"Frankly, FIA is trying to make the series a sporting competition and that's just not what we're after.  It's not in the best interests of Ferrari.  It's not what the fans want.  Ferrari has a responsibility to its legion of international fans and they don't want a fair race.  They pay good money to see the prancing horse lead a two and a half hour parade, and they've not been getting that.  F1 has done nothing recently except obstruct and hinder us and we're left with no choice but to exit the series.  We spend too much money to waste our time competing fairly.  That makes no business sense.  We finally just said, 'What is the point?  Anyone can win a fair race.  What's in this for us?'"

Ferrari had a contract with F1 and FIA that guaranteed a certain percentage of poles, wins, and championships, but that contract expired several seasons ago, coinciding with the departure of Michael Schumacher as Ferrari's lead driver.  According to Todt, subsequent seasons were rife with difficult negotiations between Ferrari and F1, and only short term agreements were reached.  Todt indicated that Ferrari had lost patience with F1's unwillingness to re-enter a long term contract and that the recent formula rule changes were the tipping point, saying, "What - now they just want to leave all of this up to the drivers!  This is madness!"

Todt continued, "Actually, the end of last season set the stage for this.  We'd been given assurances that the driver's championship would be ours following the Brazilian GP.  We had voice confirmation with race officials that both Glock and Hamilton had received their orders regarding how to finish.  To this day we've still not received an adequate explanation for why those orders weren't followed.  In previous seasons they were contractually bound, and everything ran smoothly, but we had a gentlemen's agreement for 2008, and what happened just proves there was only one gentleman involved - us.  Our suspicions are that F1 had been negotiating in bad faith all year and that they'd been preparing for a future without Ferrari.  Well - that's what they'll get."

It is unclear at this point if the team is being disbanded or will just be on sabbatical indefinitely.  Todt was mostly mum on questions regarding the future of the team.

The news comes on the heals of one of the team's worst performances in an opening round of an F1 season, seeing both Ferrari drivers DNF in Australia due to mechanical problems, and obviously scoring 0 points.  Todt explained that the decision to quit probably should have been made prior to the start of the season, saving them the public embarassment in Melbourne.  Apparently there was still some hope of securing a mutually agreeable contract, even as the start of the season approached, and they were hesitant to quit prematurely when only a pen stroke at the 11th hour was needed to secure them an opening round win.

Todt was asked about the status of the team's drivers, Felipe Massa and Kimi Raikkonen, and whether their contracts allowed them to pursue other seats in the immediate future.  He responded, "How could they?  They have absolutely no appeal as personalities.  Without Ferrari they're about as marketable as a quadriplegic street mime.  And without the usual guarantees from F1, there's no point embarassing themselves every week.  Look at what happened to Ralf in 2007 after he lost his guarantees.  I hear he's driving a taxi in Düsseldorf now."

This marks the end of a long and storied chapter in not just motorsports history, but faux sports in general.  Scuderia Ferrari is matched perhaps only by the Harlem Globetrotters as the most successful exhibition franchise ever.

As news spread across Ferrari nation, the reaction among the red-clad 'tifosi' was a mixture of sorrow, denial, and zealotry-laden irrationality.

"This is great!  Now we don't have to travel anymore, we can just live in a shanty town right next to Fiorano," said one fan.  He explained that he had to pimp himself, sexually, to be able to afford to follow Ferrari around the world during the season, and even then had spent the vast majority of his adult life sleeping in dumpsters and train stations.

Another declared this the "best thing to happen since lung cancer", referring to Ferrari's exclusive $1 billion sponsorship by Marlboro/Philip Morris.

One woman seemed distraught, by contrast, responding "What am I supposed to do with my life now?  All I know is waving the flag and screaming incoherently.  Why should I even yell racial epithets at Lewis Hamilton anymore - what's the point?"

Many were pinning the blame for this squarely at the feet of Bernie Ecclestone, with the consensus opinion being that he was a 'traitor' who had lost sight of the fact that Formula One existed solely to provide a venue in which to celebrate Ferrari's racing monarchy.  Sure, they argued, the new medal system for awarding the driver's championship was supposed to make up for some of the series' recent transgressions against Ferrari, but, they argued, it was too little too late.

And indeed it does seem too late.  Though a small glimmer of hope did exist.  Kimi Raikonnen was spotted exiting the facility and a reporter shouted the following question at him, "Kimi -- what do you think of the team's resignation from F1 and what's the future look like for Scuderia Ferrari?"  He responded, "I don't know."